guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
