oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
