Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
nutella sex= disaster
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
