They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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