dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
