she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
