Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
