If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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