DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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