So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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