so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
