i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
