he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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