The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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