We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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