...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
