Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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