I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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