a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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