Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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