Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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