Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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