i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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