at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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