Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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