just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
