I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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