so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
