just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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