This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
