We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
