I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
