Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
