She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
