it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
