cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
