Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
