wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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