clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
