once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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