So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
