How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
