She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
