Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
