He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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