i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
