Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
