; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
