If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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