when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
